Small Wisdom 2: Recognize when you're the weird one
What to do when people are strange. Or you are.
This is the second post in a short series of birthday-inspired reflections on “small wisdoms” I have learned over the past decade or two. You can read the first in the series on the personal and organizational power of gratitude here.
It was 2006, I was on a boat in Hussain Sagar, the heart-shaped lake in the middle of Hyderabad, India. My colleague Erik and I had just finished a first, intense month researching and developing novel business concepts for Dupont to address protein deficiencies in the urban slums of Hyderabad and nearby villages.
We decided that we and our team—made up of local professionals—could use a break, and an evening cruise by the world famous Buddha Statue of Hyderabad seemed like a great opportunity for some calm reflection.
However, once we approached the giant statue, loud music started blaring from speakers onboard and our colleagues and everyone else on the boat rushed over to watch a group of performers dance and lip sync to the music. Minutes later the dancers parted and a ventriloquist with a Donald Duck mannequin came out on stage.
It all seemed so bizarre. Here we were, floating aside this incredible landmark, but Erik and I were the only ones looking at it. No one else paid the Buddha any attention.
Then struck by a sudden insight I turned to Erik and said:
“You realize that we are the weird ones here, right?”
As I’ve written about before, my career has been decidedly non-linear, which has led to a fair number of “fish out of water” moments like the above.
Whether that was from working in a new country or culture, switching domains or companies, or just trying to work with a new group of people.
You may have experienced similar moments, too, perhaps acute like the Buddha example above or more subtle. Times when you just can’t seem to make sense of the behaviors around you or you feel a nagging sensation that people just don’t view the world like you do.
When you experience that feeling, it’s helpful to question if you’re the weird one.
Because while the behavior you are observing may seem strange, invariably there is a system of motivations and incentives that underlie it, an established structure in which the behavior makes sense… and where you don’t.
I guarantee you there is, even if you can’t see it. At least not with what you know now.
Whether you want to change that behavior or integrate with it, I have found that you are much better off accepting that such a structure exists. And accepting that you are most likely the outlier.
You are the weird one.
Once you do accept it, there are a few strategies you can then take to help you both manage and take advantage of being weird.
Find translators - Look for people that both understand your reality but also appreciate the new one you’re facing. They can empathize with your experiences and provide emotional support. But even better they can help you understand the weirdness you observe, and whether and why it’s actually you that is weird. Be careful to look for people that can see the positives in both realities, not just grumble about the negatives.
Practice reflective journaling - Keep a journal where you reflect on your experiences, observations and interactions in new or unfamiliar situations. Write down any insights, challenges or lessons learned, and identify areas for growth and improvement. If you have found translators, share parts of your journal with them to get their feedback and insights.
Build common ground - Look for commonalities and shared values that can serve as a bridge between your perspective and those of others. Even better, find something quick that you can build together, based around your mutual interests or goals. The act of building will quickly bring to light the differences in your world views, but also begin establishing context and trust for future efforts.
Discover points of leverage - If you are looking to change yourself or the behavior of the people around you, look for intersections between what you can offer and what people value. These intersections are incredibly fertile ground for innovation and new opportunities, but you can only identify them if you first appreciate the differences that exist.
In the end, with any new situation or effort there is a real challenge in being different. It can be tiring, confusing and often demotivating.
But whether you are looking to just cope, or to assimilate, or even to make the world change, it all starts with accepting your own weirdness in the eyes of others.
You’ll be better off for it.
“People are strange when you’re a stranger”
- The Doors
“I am weird, you are weird. Everyone in this world is weird.”
- Dr. Seuss